Some people our family knows feel a bit uncomfortable with us, or as friendly as they are, feel my family is so Western and American that they find it hard to relate. I grew up thinking and feeling that I was American in my ways. And that is true in various aspects. I fell in love with America when I went there at age 5 (for 4.5 months) and 8 (for 1 week). But when I visited at ages 16, 17, and 21 (1 month each), I was shaken up with culture shock each time. If only our Japanese friends knew. My family really isn’t as Western as they think we are.

Assaulted by crowds of welcoming, friendly people every day when we made visits, were invited to dinners, went to church, I stood like a stick while I underwent
    squeeeeeeeze/crush
    whack-whack on the back
    smooch-smooch/slobber-slobber/peck-peck as the case may be
    rub-rub/pat-pat

After meeting who-knows-how-many women, my face was sticky with little smudges of lipstick and makeup. It was a bit wet here and there from various people’s saliva in varying stages of drying up. It was worse when great, big, hulking men I didn’t know gave me hugs. A couple of times it felt like they were trying to break my backbone. I froze. I’d only hugged my own family. Never hugged people I didn’t know. For over 2 weeks, we met 20-100 strangers every day.

I preferred the “less” friendly people. The ones who only shook hands and smiled. But even then, I had to touch so many hands. Sticky, sweaty hands, strong hands, small hands, enormous hands, dry hands, cracked hands, peeling hands, beautifully-long-fingered hands, warty hands, spongy hands, manicured hands, trembling hands, hands with dirty nails.

By the end of the day, I felt like a walking germ-stick. Yech. Argh. I was so exhausted I felt like collapsing into a little heap. After a week or two, I started to get used to it. I learned how to lean over and hug people I didn’t know, rather awkwardly, but at least without tensing up too much or drawing back. I never did get to the point of kissing them all.

Some scenes are burned indelibly on my memory.

One of the men we met was an incredibly friendly giant of a fellow with hands bigger than my face. When my mother and I shook hands with him the first time, we had to keep from grimacing it was so painful. It was as if he was trying to grind our bones to powder. When we met him again, it took a lot of courage to shake hands. I’d decided beforehand I would squeezed back as hard as I could, but my hand got lost in his and I couldn’t even get my fingers around the other side. My hand hurt for a bit after that … again.

On the first day of my five-day experience at high school, I went up to the teacher in the front of the classroom to introduce myself. About 30 kids stared in total silence at the missionary kid from Tokyo. I put out my hand to shake his and bowed. The class exploded with laughter. I couldn’t understand what was so funny. Then I suddenly remembered, you aren’t supposed to bow in this country. Just stick your hand out and squeeze. Mantra. “Stick out, squeeze, stick out, squeeze.” OK. Whew. Got it.

Why can’t all these people act normal and bow like they do in Japan? Why do they have to touch each other all over? Why can’t they act normal and shake their own two hands instead of mine, like they did in China? (I don’t know how it is in China nowadays. The few Chinese customs left in my family are from the pre-war days.) It’s so much more sanitary. So much more … normal.

Don’t misunderstand. There’s plenty of hugging and kissing in my everyday life. But it’s all among kids or between adults and kids. I go nuts playing with my friends’ children. I hug and kiss them when we meet, when we play, when we say goodbye after a visit.

Adults are a different story. Adults and adults exchange bows. On formal occasions, there is sometimes a handshake, but always with a bow.

At my graduation last year, the 6 graduates, all bilingual, were warned beforehand not to bow when shaking hands and receiving our certificates. When the moment came, we were all nervous, and we all bowed anyway, instinctively, on reflex. My parents thought it was really funny and laughed a lot about it afterwards. After all, most of us had made tens of thousands of bows and only shaken hands a few times in our lives, so it was understandable.

I’m so used to seeing friendly hugs and kisses on TV, or in movies. It looks perfectly natural when other people do it. I read about it in the Bible. But it is totally alien to me personally. Hm. I suppose in a Christian society, or in heaven, there would be more physical contact between adults than there is in Tokyo.

I know this is a really bad thing to do, but I’m reading five books at once. Hey, Joshua, I’m in Canto 12 now. Where are you?

Latin For Dummies (from Eugene, because…. )
The Complete Book of Essential Oils and Aromatherapy
A Common Law: The Law of Nations and Western Civilization

1) Name: Emeth Hesed Smith
2) Dad’s Name: Ralph Allan Smith
3) Mom’s Name: Sylvia Smith (before naturalization, Tsing Kou)
4) Birthday: May, 1979
5) Last time you showered: Tonight.
6) What color pants do you have on right now? Navy blue.
7) What song are you listening to right now? Nothing.
8) Last four digits in your phone: 8845 (cellular/mobile)
9) Last thing you ate: Wine and cheese.
10) Weirdest name you have ever heard: I collect weird names, actually. (No offence intended to the actual people who bear the names.) Wanna take a peek?
11) Fav. radio station: I don’t listen to the radio. I used to listen to CarTalk.
12) If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Depends on the day, time, place, occasion, and how I’m feeling at the time.
13) Last movie you saw? Crociati.
14) Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? Travel all over Europe for about 6 months, then spend a year reading books and studying together.
15) Have you ever been in love? I want to be, d.v.
16) Who do you want to marry right now? I hope God has somebody in mind for me.
17) Last book you read? Shakespeare’s Hamlet.
18) Do you have a pager? No.
19) Lava lamp? A what?
20) How many bud’s on your buddy list? 24, but I only chat with 3.
21) What’s the weather? Hot and muggy.
22) What did you do last night? Preparation for the next installment for my other blog.
23) Who are you talking to online right now? Nobody.
24) Name backwards: htimS deseH htemE
25) Screen name: YID: lucanius, AIM: lucanius
26) Sexiest thing about the opposite sex? What I find most attractive in a man is a total, life-long commitment to a clear calling from God.
27) If you had a genie what wish would you make? Genies don’t exist.
28) Fav. CD: Probably Mozart’s Requiem.
29) Where ya going tomorrow? To visit the Aokis and kiss their beautiful twins all afternoon. Actually, I’m taking the two 3-year-old boys plastic swords with sheaths that can be attached to belts. I’m sure their mother is going to love me for that. LOL.
30) Whom do you most admire? My parents, for being so staunchly Biblical and uncompromising when it comes to right and wrong. As for historical figures, John Calvin, Jeanne d’Albret.
31) Are you happy? Yes, most of the time.
32) What are you looking forward to this summer? Sleeping. I rarely had more than 5 hours a night this past year and it was killing me.
33) Would you pierce your nose, tongue or belly button? Never.
34) Be serious or funny? Preferably mostly serious, with a dash of humour.
35) Boxers or briefs? Now why would I want to tell the world what kind of underwear I have? Stupid question.
36) Whole or Skim Milk? Whole.
37) Simple or complicated? Reality is simply complicated and complicatedly simple. Trinity.
38) Law or anarchy? God’s Law.
39) Grey or Gray? Grey.
40) Night or Day? Night.
41) Color or black and white photos? Depends.
42) Sunrise or Sunset? Depends.
43) Rap or Rock? Neither. Unless the rock is oldies. :)
44) Stay up late or early? Stay up all night and then sleep till noon. Or go to bed early and get up at dawn.
45) Is it POP or SODA? Umm. Pop?
46) X or O in Tic-Tac-Toe? Yes. :p
47) Eat an apple or an orange? Both. And cherries. And mango. And peach. And watermelon. And nectarines. And lichee. And persimmons.
48) What came first the chicken or the egg? That’s so easy. The chicken.
49) Tall or short guys/girls? Guys, preferably, taller than I am, but not too tall either. LOL.
50) Sun or moon? Depends on the situation. Sun burns, clarifies. Moon hides, obscures.
51) Emerald or ruby? Depends.
52) Pants or shorts? Shorts at home, pants outside.
53) Left or right? Left or right what? I’m right-handed.
54) 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? 2 best friends. My brothers.
55) Vanilla or chocolate ice cream? Cherry! The kind with big frozen cherries in it. You can’t get it in Japan.
56) Green beans or carrots? Asparagus.
57) Hair in pony tail or leave it down? Depends.
58) Silver jewelry or gold jewelry? Gold and platinum.
59) Kids or no kids? Lots and lots of kids (d.v.).
60) Dogs or cats? Dogs are usually somewhat tolerable. Cats are abominable.
61) Half-full or half-empty? “The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.” But someday, the glass will be made whole again, and will overflow.
62) Mustard or Ketchup? Depends on what I’m eating.
63) Hardcover books or soft cover books? If a book is worth owning, it absolutely has to be HARDCOVER!!!!!
64) Newspaper or magazine? Magazine.
65) Catsup or Ketchup? Ketchup.
66) Sandals or sneakers? Sandals in summer, sneakers the rest of the year.
67) Wonder or amazement? Depends.
68) Red car or white car? Almost anything but red or white. Preferably, blue, grey, or brown.
69) Happy and poor or rich and sad? Does anyone really have to ask this? Happy and poor.
70) Singing or dancing? Both!
71) Hug or kiss? Depends. With babies, lots of both.
72) Corduroy or plaid? Neither.
73) Happy or sad? There is never happiness without sadness, and there is never sadness without happiness. But I’d rather be happy.
74) Live or die? I live. I’ll die. I’ll live again.
75) Ben Affleck or Matt Damon? Matt Damon is somewhat acceptable. Ben Affleck is disgusting. (Why doesn’t anybody ask about Marlon Brando (in his young days), Gregory Peck, Robert Taylor, Richard Burton, Gary Cooper, Paul Newman, Kenneth Branagh, Robert De Niro, or Matthew McConaughey?)
76) Fav. person online: Ben Zedek, Berek, Christopher, Joshua, Martin, Steinar (in alphabetical order)
77) Braces? Never had any.
78) Fav movies:

. Julius Caesar, 1953, 122 min., Marlon Brando, James Mason, John Gielgud, Deborah Kerr; B&W
. Henry V, 1989, 137 min., Kenneth Branagh, Derek Jacobi (you have to see this, and Julius Caesar, too!)
. Hamlet, 1996, 232 min., Kenneth Branagh, Derek Jacobi (Kate Winslet was awful but not bad enough to ruin the film)
. Ben-Hur, 1959, 212 min., Charleton Heston (whom I normally dislike)
. Michael Collins, 1996, 132 min., Liam Neeson (beginning of the IRA; which I do not support, needless to say)
. The Sound of Music, 1965, Julie Andrews, Christopher Plummer; is there anybody out there who doesn’t know this movie?
. Who Will Love My Children?, 1983, 95 min., Ann-Margret, et al.; USA TV movie; a true story.
. Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken, 1991, dunno how many min.; a true story.
. Zorro, 1974, 124 min., Alain Delon; the one and only good Zorro movie there is (the European version; for some reason, the US version has over 30 mins. cut out)
. The Man from Snowy River, 1982, 102 min., Tom Burlinson, Sigrid Thornton, Kirk Douglas; (beautiful horse scenery)
. Return to Snowy River, 1988, 110 min., Tom Burlinson, Sigrid Thornton; (A sequel to the above; not as good as original, but, well, I like it anyway….)
. The Matrix, 1999, 136 min., Keanu Reeves, etc.
. Gattaca, 1997, 101 min., Ethan Hawke, Jude Law, Uma Thurman.
. The Truman Show, 1998, 103 min., Jim Carrey.
. Lord Of The Rings, 2001, 178 min.

79) Fav. Drink: Coffee, Milk, Bailey’s Irish Cream, Godiva Chocolate Liqueur, fruit juice, fruit tea
80) Fav. Musical: As a rule, I don’t like musicals.
81) Fav. Car: Anything practical.
82) Fav. TV show: X-Files!! (The only program I watch most of the year.)
83) What color hair do you prefer for the opposite sex? Any color is fine, as long as there’s hair.
84) Coke or Pepsi? Yuk, yuk.
85.) Fav. store in the mall: There aren’t any malls here.
86) Fav. store anywhere: Amazon.com, the only place I can get English books. When I visited America, I loved to go to B&N, Borders, bookstores, bookstores!!
87) Siblings: 2 younger brothers: Ben Zedek (2 yrs. 3 mos. younger), Berek (4 yrs. 9 mos. younger)
88) Did this survey suck? I can’t believe it’s called the 95 Theses.
89) Least fav. subject in school? Just about anything related to science.
90) Thing you hate to admit that’s true about you that’s embarrassing? I’m too noisy.
91) Would you rather be single or taken? Definitely taken.
92) Do u have a b/f / g/f? No.
93) Who is the last person you talked to on the phone: Genny-Boy.
94) How many email addresses do you have? So many I don’t know how many I have anymore. But I only use one.
95) Do you keep your car messy or clean? I’ve never had a car. The family car is kept pretty clean.

WaynO (I hope he doesn’t mind being called that; I have to have some way of distinguishing between all the Christian Waynes on the internet) asked in a comment box down there,

Hey Emeth, what’s a “fellow Haafu/Daburu”? My first reaction read “Haafu” as “half” and I thought of the wonderfully scintillating fact that I am half Asian - as you are as well.

Eh?

My answer.

Haafu is what bi-racial children have been called in Japan for quite some time. It is the Japanized version of the English word “half.”

More recently, politically correct/wimpy Westerners with haafu children consider it a derrogatory term because it implies the children are only “half” human, or only “half” of them count (i.e., of course, the Asian half, LOL). So they’ve come up with calling their children daburu which means double. They are twice as good as “normal” people.

Personally, I don’t feel insulted if people call me haafu nor do I mind being called daburu. But I’ve been called haafu for most of my life, so I’m more used to it. Being called daburu somehow reminds me of being doubleheaded or two-faced or having a forked tongue or a split personality.

Being half Chinese, I get the best of three worlds. We had a family friend, a friend of my maternal grandmother, an upper-class Chinese gentleman (he died a couple years ago in his mid-90s). He was terribly offended that my mother would mix her blood with Western barbarian blood, and he called me and my brothers dogs, mongrels, mutts, etc. etc. to our faces when we were little. We were not fit to be called human. Talk about racism! LOL. But nobody in my family really minded. And other than his calling us names and being totally disgusted when the topic came up of our mixed ancestry, he was a perfect gentleman, and very kind to all of us.

Wayne (the Whitmer Wayne, that is) said I am unbiased about this seemingly controversial topic. It’s so strange to hear that adjective applied to me, but in this case, it’s accurate.

In Tokyo, if you ask for “soda” they’ll give you a blue-colored drink. If you ask for “pop” you get music. If you ask for “coke” you’ll get a funny look. (Here, Coca-Cola is usually called “cola.”)

The generic term for canned drinks here is “can juice” (or even just plain “juice”) which is any non-alchoholic drink whatsoever which happens to be in a can.

I don’t know why I think of carbonated drinks as “pop.” All the “gaijin” (i.e. foreigners) I happen to have known growing up call it “pop,” never “soda.” Papa is from Chillicothe, Ohio. Does that have anything to do with it?

Is dead bird food on a gravel path called road kill? It’s a dead toad, I think. But I’m calling it a frog, because “dead frog blog” sounds better than “dead toad blog.” Doesn’t it? When Ben took the picture, there was a crow nearby making lots of noise, so we deduced that the crow was trying to have its breakfast when we came along.

Where I live, I never see toads. The only other time I remember seeing a large toad was at a camp about 10 years ago. I don’t know why I used the dead toad as the background graphic. (If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you can see the entire picture.) There was just something about it that hit me. I had seen it alive the night before, sitting quite magnificently on a doormat right in front the outhouse. I poked it a few times with a straw, and it wouldn’t budge. Just blinked. It was totally motionless, but so alive. Ben and I watched it and talked for a while. The only time it moved was when it snapped its mouth open to catch some little insect flying in front of its face. A few hours later, I saw it dead, arm ripped off, chest ripped open. It was being fed on by lots of little insects, the same sort it had been feeding on the night before.

Sometimes I feel my life is pretty useless and meaningless. I am like that toad or the insects it fed on. So is this blog. Doesn’t make that much difference if it’s here or not. Here one day. Gone the next.

The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem. Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun? One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever. The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose. The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits. All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again. All things are full of labour; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us. There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after.

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

Ecclesiastes 1:1-11, 12:13-14