As the pastor started praying, I burst into tears. I could not believe I was not allowed to take communion on an unbiblical technicality - some man-made church rule about visitors. I’d been to various other churches and not taken communion on Sunday because they didn’t practice weekly communion, but I’d never been barred from it before. I was told before worship that I would not be allowed, but I sat in shock as I watched the bread go around the church. Fellow Christians were banning me from accepting God’s invitation to partake of His blessing! I could not understand how they could do such a thing!

As thoughts and emotions swirled around inside, I suddenly remembered one of my friends, a mother who had moved to another church and was distraught that her children who had taken communion since they were babies were not allowed to anymore. She was telling me in tears how her children stared with shock and disbelief as they were sent away. I mourned with her, and with others, but shed no tears of my own.

The wine came around, and through a mess of confusion and tears (”Why… why … WHY?!”), I realized what a blessing it was that I was not allowed to reach for it. I can’t remember exactly how old I was when I started taking communion. I think I was about ten. I remember feeling almost sick with terror every time I heard “he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself.” Communion became a constant worry during the week. Often, when I was about to do something bad, I would remember that I’d have to take communion on Sunday and I’d freeze. Of course, Papa would preach constantly about taking communion with joy and thanksgiving, but that verse terrified me anyway. Over the years, I learned to see more and more of God’s boundless love and forgiveness and not just focus on His judgement, but communion became somewhat of a routine. It was a blessing for which I was deeply thankful, but I cannot deny I took it for granted. Just like I’d pray before meals, be sincere in my thanks, and wolf down the food without a second thought about what a blessing it is to have plenty of food, I’d be thankful for communion but not remember what a privilege it is.

I hope I never take it for granted again. I never want to forget what it was like to be forbidden from communion with Christ, but I am thankful for the experience. Every Sunday since then, I remember that Sunday and rejoice! I look forward to each Sunday with dread joy!

Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness (‘hesed’) and tender mercies; who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle?s.

The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed. He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel. The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy(‘hesed’) . He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever. He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy (‘hesed’) toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth. For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more. But the mercy (‘hesed’) of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children?s children; to such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.

The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all. Bless the LORD, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word. Bless ye the LORD, all ye his hosts; ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure. Bless the LORD, all his works in all places of his dominion: bless the LORD, O my soul.

Psalm 103