I have a choice between two hospitals and one birth center. Yesterday I had a checkup with my doctor and today I met a midwife.

Whose hands would you trust your own life and the life of your baby with?

Take your pick.

Male, strong, warm, rough-skinned hands with big-knuckled fingers, late 40s, fit, muscular, clean-cut, extremely businesslike, terse, clipped manner, controlling, always in a hurry, sees so many patients he does not remember your name, doesn’t care who you are, has never borne children and never will, and has no problem killing your baby if you want to, too.

Female, soft, wrinkly, bird-bone hands, short, tiny fingers with no grip, weak arms, late 40s, grossly obese, dandruffy, greasy, thinning hair, passive, withdrawn, not particularly personal … doesn’t ask if you want to kill your baby. Only 6 years experience delivering babies. I don’t know if she has given birth herself or not. I forgot to ask.

So, I either bare myself to a man who is a total stranger I’ve never met and do not trust (chances are the doctor on call when I go into labour is not “my” doctor), and meanwhile before every checkup subject myself to bombardment with posters and advertisements about how not to have babies and how to kill them if I don’t want them. They are in every room there, every bathroom, exam room, ultrasound room, the doctor’s office, etc.

Or, I give myself over into the care of a woman who obviously does not even care to take care of herself.

181 days down … 85 more days to go.