Apple & Light

She is the light of my life and the apple of my eye. I don’t know how I could be blessed with such a treasure. But there isn’t any point thinking about what I “deserve” or have a “right” to because that would be simply nothing. God blessed me with her and no matter how much I thank Him it isn’t enough.

She discovered yesterday all of a sudden that smacking different things makes various noises so she’s been smacking everything in sight like the table or the mirror, the phone, my breasts, her leg, and various toys. When something makes a sound she likes she gets so excited she can’t contain herself and lets out a little shriek of joy.

Lately she can’t stop smiling when she’s happy. She smiles so hard and tries so hard to talk that she forgets to breathe … and then gasps a little for air so she can start it all over. It’s hilarious watching her.

Some people who have had kids of their own give me advice on how to take care of her. They tell me I should leave her alone and let her scream herself to sleep so she can learn to be independent. I’ve been told to put her on a feeding and sleeping schedule. I know they are trying to help but I think it’s horridly cruel to treat babies that way. I remember when I visited America over 10 years ago as a teenager, I saw babies treated that way for the first time and I couldn’t help crying at how awful it was. I have been around mothers and babies my whole life and never saw that before.

Babies aren’t independent and weren’t meant to be. Unborn babies and their mothers are as physically close and interconnected as any two human beings can get. After they are born they are completely dependent on their mothers. They will grow up and leave their mothers little by little provided the mothers aren’t too clingy. (Argh. A whole ‘nuther can of worms there.) It’s wrong to treat adults like babies and it’s wrong to treat babies like adults. Strange how some mothers treat their babies like adults and then treat their adult children like babies once they grow up.

Many American mothers would probably be very surprised if they could see mothers in other parts of the world with their babies. In America, there are special terms, “attachment parenting” or “exterogestation,” and there are endless “scientific” theories and studies about how to treat babies. It seems if you want anything other than male doctors poking you and pumping your baby full of chemicals, you somehow must justify yourself. When I wanted to have a baby at home with a midwife, I was often considered weird at best or irresponsible and sinful at worst.

What I am doing is what mothers in the rest of the world are doing and have been doing since time immemorial. It is silly to demand an explanation for it, though there certainly are explanations aplenty. Since when do people have to justify breathing? I am encouraged to know of other mothers (Kristen, Rachel, Arwen, Dawn, and countless others) who do the same facing similar attitudes.

When some people here find out she is 6 months old and still breastfeeding exclusively, they tell me she ought to be eating solid food now and ask when I will wean her. I often get strange looks when I say I don’t plan to start feeding her solids till she is at least 10 months and I don’t plan to wean her for a year at least, maybe two.

How is it a bad thing to hold and comfort your baby when she is tired or lonely? She is a remarkably calm and happy baby when I am holding her (like all those scientific studies show) and I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Where I grew up, I watched mothers be protective of their babies when they were tiny and then as they got older they gave them the freedom to leave and be independent. Each child is different, each growing at a different pace and learning differently but eventually they grow up and are on their own. They hold them when they need to be held, help them learn to walk on their own, teach them what they need to know, and then watch them walk away, little by little, at their own pace.

I wonder why I am so defensive about this. I guess it’s because living here I feel like people look askance or disapprove what I am doing. At home every day, though, I’m so thankful I don’t have to go to work and get to spend my whole day with her. Sometimes, when she is screaming because her gums hurt from teething, it’s not so fun. But I still love every minute of it.

I am a home-birthing, breastfeeding (demand-feeding), co-sleeping, wrap-a-holic baby-wearing, cloth-diapering, ec-ing, home-schooling first-time mama. My baby has learned to stand and I’m going to help her walk when she’s ready, all the way to her dreams.