Coffee Nerd Through New Eyes

There was a little girl whose father taught her how to diagram Bible passages. He read lots and lots and lots of James Jordan to her which made her totally obsessed with the number five, looking for and finding patterns everywhere, and marveling over gravity angels. She grew up and got married and had lots of babies so quickly she had no time to read or think.

Her brain died. Most everything in it was irrecoverable.

But while she is cleaning butts and cooking and cleaning, certain background processes keep running even though the hard drive is about dead. This is what they look like.

Feel free add corrections or add your own outlines in the comments.

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Crazy Mama Version 4.0, Crazy Wife Version 6.5
Copyright (c) 2012. All rights reserved.

C:\Users\Emeth>;GetCleaner.exe
A. Remove the child-proof rubber band.
    B. Take out the spray.
        C. Replace the rubber band.
            D. Use the spray.
A'. Remove the rubber band.
    B'. Put the spray back.
        C'. Replace the rubber band.

c:\Users\Emeth\MakePourOverCoffee.exe
I. Prepare Water
A. Turn on burner to high (fire).
    B. Fill kettle with water (water).
A'. Set kettle on burner (water on fire, glorified water).
II. Prepare Filter, Cone, & Mug
A. Get coffee mug, cone, and cloth filter (take hold).
B. Put cone on mug (restructure).
C. Wet filter (baptism).
D. Put into filter cone (restructure).
III. Prepare Beans
A. Open the cupboard (heavens open).
    B. Take out the container with the beans (take hold).
        C. Measure out beans into the grinder (restructure).
        C'. Grind beans (break down/restructure).
    B'. Put the container back (ascension).
A'. Close the cupboard (heavens close).
IV. Get Spoon
A. Open the drawer (take hold).
    B. Take out what you need (restructure).
A'. Close the freaking drawer (ascension).
IV. Prepare Grounds
A. Take out container with ground beans (take hold).
    B. Put them in filter (restructure).
    B'. Tamp grounds with spoon (restructure).
A'. Put back empty container and spoon (ascension).
IV. Pour Over Coffee
A. Turn off stove and get kettle (take hold).
    B. Pour water over coffee grounds (restructure).
A'. Put kettle back (ascension).
V. Drink Coffee
(take hold, restructure/redistribute into my belly, evaluate,
enjoy as much as possible while children burn themselves by
sticking fingers into it, beg to drink it and then burn
their tongues and cry, climb on my chair, pull my hair,
ask to nurse because they need to recover from shock of coffee
being as burning hot as it was yesterday morning, etc.)

Pour Over Coffee Through New Eyes

I know this post has an extremely limited audience (pretty much just nerdy BH fans). If you don’t get it, get this book. It’s available as a PDF for free online, too.

Growing up in Tokyo, I watched my father make pour over coffee hundreds of times. I now make it for myself every morning. It is a comforting ritual for me and I remember him every time I make it. I recently found out it is becoming a fad in the US (read more here).

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Important Note: On page 121 of Through New Eyes, the glass was not put back after being taken hold of, restructured, distributed, evaluated, and enjoyed. Something needs to be done about this glass because it drives women absolutely batty when glasses end up all over the place. This is not proper dominion. Please revise the Rite of Transformation in the next edition of the book. For lack of a better term (I am happy to be corrected), I have decided to call putting things back “ascension” because it reminds me of rest and heaven and peace, where there will be no poop or shrieking.

5 comments to Coffee Nerd Through New Eyes

  • Awesome!

    Here’s a Life of Christ/Caffeine analogy which includes ministry, testing, crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension:

    Ministry: You are taking dominion over your world powered by caffeine
    Testing: Caffeine is starting to wear off. Can you keep going?
    Crucifixion: Caffeine has left your body, like water rushing out of a spear-pierced side. Death. Or really crummy mood, anyway.
    Resurrection: Another pot brewed…at the first sip, you are reanimated.
    Ascension: Prayers of praise for caffeine ascending to heaven, as is the steam from your mug.

    Repeat cycle.

    Couldn’t figure out how to make a chiasm, though.

  • I adore you… oht…

  • Very amusing! You have a very interesting blog.

  • Cheryl

    Oh My Land! I laughed my guts out when I read this! I have that book….

  • Gen

    I still dust the cover off that book from time to time…

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