The Head of Household in the Bible

For context about why this post was written, read this.

What is a household?

In the Bible, “house” or “household” is referred to almost 2000 times. In Hebrew it is the word “beth” (as in Bethlehem, Bethel, etc.) and in Greek it is the word “oikos” (economy, ecology, etc.). The phrase “head of household” does not occur anywhere in the Bible.

Neither the Hebrew nor the Greek word “household” ever refers to the nuclear family (one husband, his wife, and children). They are used in reference to

  • a tribe,
  • group of tribes,
  • a nation,
  • or a generational family (father, children, grandchildren, and unborn descendants).

It is also used to refer to a place of worship (tabernacle, temple, etc.). When used in the context of a family, a household always included possessions, i.e. human slaves and livestock.

Some people wish to carry on the system of household organization into the modern church citing the Philippian jailer being baptized with his family as an example of male headship in a nuclear family. However, they seem to miss the part in the same chapter where a wealthy woman is baptized with her household earlier in the same chapter. Although there is no mention of Lydia having male relatives, there is nothing in the chapter to indicate she was a widow.

So, in Acts 16, a woman is baptized with her household and a man was baptized with his household. I do not see any basis for male-only heads of household meetings. If anything, that would be the basis for patriarchal-matriarchal meetings where the oldest or most respected member of the family attends the meetings and all the younger members of the family, married or not, do not attend.

 

Households in the Church

So, what does this all mean for the modern Church? If we were to hold head of household meetings in the biblical or ancient sense, then only the oldest male or female of the extended family or clan could attend. Married sons whose fathers or mothers were still alive could not attend.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

Galatians 3:26-29

Paul says this in order to break apart the Old Testament model of household so that we each go to Christ directly.

A slave is not part of his master’s household when he is at church. He is an equal heir to the Kingdom of Heaven, part of the Body and Bride of Christ, and a brother in the household of Christ.

There is no more circumcision anymore. There is no more representation by circumcision or heads of household anymore. We are each individually baptized into the Body of Christ.

Women no longer go to God through their husbands and fathers. And men no longer go to God through the priests. On Sundays, Christ invites us into Heaven, into the Holy of Holies. He is the High Priest and we are each priests under Him.

And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth, to him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen.

Revelation 1:5-6

When we step into church, we are one household in Christ with Him as our Head. We do not gather as individual households (i.e. clans or groups of generational families).

 

Baptism & Communion

Baptism is administered by the pastor as a representative of Christ who is the Head of the Church. It is not administered by the father or husband. Baptism comes directly from Christ. Communion as a renewal of baptism should be administered by the pastor and elders not by the father or husband. Christ’s sacrifice is communicated to us from Him through His representative, not through a father or husband. Practicing communion by having a so-called “head of household” distribute the bread and wine to the family is totally unbiblical.

 

So are Man and Woman Equal?

A common response to all of the above seems to be the horrified question, “Are you an egalitarian? Do you believe men and women are completely equal?”

Men and women are obviously not the same. God has created them differently and given them different gifts. Men are better at some things and women are better at others. God created Man first and Woman second but neither is better or lesser than the other.

Both are equally His image. Both are equally saved. Men are not more saved than women. Saying that men and women are equal in some ways is not egalitarianism.

Though it is common to think of God as male because that is how He chooses to speak of Himself most of the time, God is both male and female. He speaks of Himself in both terms and symbolically is both. Christ in submission to the Father models female submission. He speaks of Himself in female terms (Matthew 23:27). There is much more to be said on this but I will leave it at that.

Both men and women are created in the image of God but are different in order to reflect different aspects of God. If God were only male, then women could not be created in His image.

To understand the relationship between men and women, we need to go back to the Trinity because we are all created in His image.

There is hierarchy within the Trinity, but that does not mean the Persons are not equal. Within the Trinity, the beings are equal but are ordered in a hierarchical relationship.

25. And in this Trinity none is afore or after another; none is greater or less than another.

26. But the whole three persons are coeternal, and coequal.

33. Equal to the Father as touching His Godhead, and inferior to the Father as touching His manhood.

(from the Athanasian Creed)

Before God, a man and woman are equal. But they were created into a hierarchy. To maintain order, God ordained that Man is first and Woman is second.

Within the nuclear family, a husband is over his wife. But even there, they are each to submit to Christ first. They are brother and sister in Christ first, husband and wife second. If either desires or requires something from the other that Christ commanded against, allegiance ought to be to Christ first, spouse second.

When a husband and wife step into church, they enter as brother and sister in Christ, co-priests and co-heirs. Christ has no higher order for male priests and lower order for female priests. There is no higher order for married men and lower order for single men. There is no male and female. They are one in Him.

Another matter that complicates things is that in both Hebrew and Greek, the word for “man” means both “man” and “husband” and the word for “woman” means both “woman” and “wife” so how it has been translated into English has been up to the translators’ discretion.

 

What about male abdication and feminism?

Given the tumultuous history of male and female relations in American history and in the church, it is understandable that American Christians are especially sensitive about the roles of men and women.

It was sin for a the man in the Golden Days of the Fifties to abdicate, not lead his wife and children, and leave her to drag the children to church on Sundays and teach them the Bible while he stayed home and polished the car or went fishing. Women stepped in and filled the void.

The correct response to this should not be to punish her for being a Deborah or a Jael. The correct response to the abdication of men is not to suppress women. The Man should rise up where he stood back and glorify Woman, lifting her higher.

It is as much abdication for a woman not to attend church worship or church functions as it is for a man.

Interestingly, in the Old Testament, because men were the ones who were circumcised into the Covenant and the women were saved through the circumcision of the men, women were not required to attend the holy feasts. It was only required for men over the age of 20 (e.g. Deuteronomy 16:16).

If we were to be consistent with the household system with its covenant head representation, then only the oldest adult male of a family, the patriarch, should be allowed to the heads of household meetings. His sons and grandsons, married or not, adult or not, are not heads of households.

 

Church Members Meetings

Maybe you will say a wife is covenantally represented by her husband at the head of household meetings and that it is biblical to do so. There is no precedent for this type of system anywhere in the Bible, Old Testament or New Testament. Just because there is no precedent for something does not necessarily make it wrong but perhaps it is something we should think over some more.

If we were truly going to follow this model, then married sons whose fathers are still alive would not be allowed to attend. If we believe each member of the church is baptized into the church without a male mediator (aka, Head of Household), believe that Christ is our only mediator, and believe that circumcision has been done away with now that we are each baptized into the covenant, then there is no way to have a system of church meetings that only allows heads of households to attend.

[The rest of the paragraphs below are about the particular structure of government in the local church we were attending.]

Additionally, it is incorrect to assume that the males attending the meetings have any kind of authority in the meeting. The men attend as sheep. The men of the congregation are in a female role, as the Bride of Christ. Their votes have no authority over the church.

It would invite less misunderstanding to rename church votes as an “opinion poll” because that is what they are. The votes have no authority as they do in secular political terminology but are merely a way for the elders to gauge where the church members stand. The elders make the final decision and they are not bound by the congregation’s “votes.”

Voting is not an exercise of democratic authority but is rather a submissive representative delegation.

Doug Wilson, Mother Kirk, p. 167

If the votes have no authority then for women to attend them and voice their opinions is an act of submission and not in any way exerting authority over anyone. It is a way for Christ to listen to His Bride.

And as all married folks know, no matter how wonderful a marriage is, communication is difficult and imperfect and it is extremely rare for a husband to be able to express fully (or even accurately!) what his wife would wish to say at the meetings or to relay back to her all the discussion at the meetings.

The purpose for having meetings in person is to communicate and discuss. Women have a valuable voice that cannot be fully expressed if they are not present.

 

Conclusion

If women are individually baptized members of the Bride, just as men are, and the church business meeting has no authority over anyone, and the votes are in reality opinion polls, there is no reason for women not to attend and participate. In fact they should be encouraged to do so.

Note: This post was written from notes collected after my husband and I studied this with some friends in July, 2011, because we were attending a church where the pastor instituted Heads of Household meetings which excluded women. The pastor of that church told me I was not allowed to write anything more on the topic on my blog or on Facebook or discuss it with anyone in person without permission from the head of my household, my husband, and from him, my pastor … so I did not publish this then.

I know that not all churches practice HoH meetings in the same way and the details of church government in Protestant churches varies greatly from local church to local church. This post was written as a response to the particular way it was practiced in the local church we used to attend. I hope it helps others who are thinking through the issue.

To all those who are concerned I am a rebellious wife, let me assure you that my husband and I are of one mind and one heart.

Heads of Household Meetings (Wives Not Welcome)

This post has generated a lot of discussion, with over 200 shares on Facebook and over 3,000 readers.
Follow the discussion on my Facebook post and my husband’s Facebook post.
Are Heads of Household Meetings biblical? Read this.

For 25 years, I lived in a pagan country where women are mistreated every day in countless ways. Growing up, I saw women holding doors open for men. When I started working in a Japanese office, I had to do the same. One of the weirdest adjustments I had to make when I started living here was not to hold the doors open for the men. Women served drinks to men at parties. If there was some kind of meeting, women set up the chairs and put them away. Every situation where men and women were together, women were made sure to be put in their place, down, down, down, down, down.

All through the week, throughout my childhood, I would see how pagan men treated their women. And then we would go to church and things were right, at least in the way women are treated. Not to say that the church didn’t have its fair share of problems, of course, just like any other church of sinners. But the women are treated well there.

Women vote. Women attend all the meetings. Women can even attend the married men’s Bible study if they want to (and some do) because a man is not a husband or a father without his wife, and it is good for both of them to hear what he is learning especially related to being a husband and a father.

Of course, me being me, I took all this for granted my whole life … until I moved to where I’m living now.

So.

Early this morning, super early, my husband left me at home with all the children and went to his HoH meeting where the men of the church talked about children’s catechism class and church membership … he was gone for FOUR HOURS. Women are not allowed to attend.

Apparently, women are “too emotional” and that is one thing that disqualifies them. Well, if women are too emotional, then men being too lustful disqualifies them, too. Not to mention that lust is a sin in the Bible but “being too emotional” is not.

There is nothing in the Bible that says “Thou shalt not be emotional.” In fact, modern Americans and Europeans, so tainted with rationalism, are really not emotional enough. They would look down on many of the righteous men of the Bible for being far too emotional and “womanly” and probably even simply insane. What kind of guy cries in public? For days on end? And tears his clothes while he cries out loud in the streets?

By the way, don’t “weep inwardly” and get a sore throat. If you must weep, weep: a good honest howl! I suspect we — and especially, my sex — don’t cry enough now-a-days. Aeneas and Hector and Beowulf, Roland and Lancelot blubbered like schoolgirls, so why shouldn’t we?

– C. S. Lewis, Letters to an American Lady

Apart from the whole emotional issue, if the husband is the head of the household, then what is the wife’s status? Is she one of the children?

The husband is not the sole ruler over his wife and children. The wife reigns under her husband. They are the head together. Or maybe she’s the neck!

The men may be the head of the house but the women are the neck and they can turn the head any way they want.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Either way, there is no biblical basis for her to be excluded and treated as a child or lesser citizen.

Logistical difficulties are a common “problem” that is brought up. “Women need to stay home with the children because it is too difficult to find that many babysitters.” Meetings can be held on Sunday afternoons and the older kids can watch the younger ones. Problem solved!

Since moving to the Land of the Free, I have enjoyed how well women are treated here. I can see that America really is a country with a Christian heritage even if it’s not a Christian nation anymore. But attending the church where my husband grew up, I have never felt so disenfranchised in my life. I have never felt so cut off from the covenant I was baptized into, from the rightful inheritance God has promised me.

(Part of it was because there was hardly ever any communion on Sundays and when there was then children were not allowed to take it. But that’s changed now! It’s weekly and it’s paedo!)

Women are considered lesser members of the Kingdom of Heaven at church while they are equals outside the church amongst the pagans. I understand this is a panicked reaction to feminism. But it still boggles my mind.

Hast thou not read?

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Galatians 3:28

In the Old Covenant, women were under their fathers and husbands, covenanted by male circumcision. In the New Covenant, women are baptised and are counted as sons and heirs in the kingdom of God, (Galatians 3:26-29; 4:4-7; 1 Peter 3:7), and kings under him (Revelation 1:6). Christian men and women are made kings and priests of this world under God.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise. (Galatians 3:26-29)

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. (Galatians 4:4-7)

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker vessel and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7)

And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen. (Revelation 1:5-6)

For more rational, less emotional, detailed, biblical arguments read Mark Horne’s article, Heads of Household Membership & Male-Only Voting in the Church. To read my personal study notes, read my post, The Head of Household in the Bible.

Epilogue
June 11, 2013

Writing this post got me in huge trouble with the pastor of the church who instated the HoH meetings. He showed up at our house the next night at 11:30 PM and stayed for over 3 hours, telling me to take this post down and giving me and my husband incredibly specific instructions on how to live our lives in all kinds of areas (what kind of food to eat, how many hours a day I should hold my children, what kind of diapers to use, etc.).

A few months later, he opened up the HoH meetings to boys, also, but still did not allow women or girls to attend. A friend started calling them “Penis Meetings” because that was the only thing you needed to have to attend the meetings and be a real member of the church.

This pastor, who is about my age, also went out of his way to rebuke my father, who is much older than he is and also a pastor, because this post is obviously proof that my father was a terrible dad.

A couple months later, we left that church and the CREC. In April, 2013, the church fired that pastor for his continual, unrelenting spiritual abuse. He is a graduate of the Greyfriars Hall pastoral training program in Moscow, Idaho.

Love, Life, Death, Eating

From the Garden of Eden where the Father commanded Adam whom He loved to eat from the Tree of Life and punished him with death for eating from the wrong tree, to the Second Adam who out of Love for us defeated Death and came back to Life and wants us to remember Him by ingesting His body and imbibing His blood every week …

… Love and Life and Death and Eating are inextricably entwined together in the fabric of reality.

When this world is gone and we are passed into the everlasting afterlife there will be everlasting Love and Feasting in Heaven for most and for a few, everlasting Death in Hell.

I don’t know why God decided that eating must be so inseparable from Life and Love.

Why is it that God and angels do not eat but we do? Why were we created to have to eat?

No food, no life. (You know, ’cause you die without food. Hahaha. But really. It’s not funny.)

No love, no food. If you don’t love a person, you don’t want to cook for or eat with that person.

No Eucharist, no Church.

Food and Fellowship go hand in hand. Weddings, funerals, parties, reunions, almost any kind of gathering has food or would be better if it did.

America in general has a pitiful food culture. So much disgusting packaged inedible things that are not really food.

What people eat, how they eat, and how they treat mealtimes (eat standing vs. sitting, around a table vs. in front of a TV, etc.) can be a reflection of their spiritual state.

Food allergies are a serious curse. They make fellowship so much more difficult.

OK. 3 AM thoughts have become 4 AM ramblings. Still nakking on my iPhone but I’ll stop now. I hope this all still makes sense when the sun comes up.

The sun is coming up and my little Valor has decided to leave his bed for mine. He doesn’t do this very often so I’m going to snuggle my pretty 2-year-old and try to get some sleep.